This week’s art theme for Weekly Wishes is animals, and I was going to try to go for something a bit less… oft-seen around these parts, like a seagull or a duck or the chicken my sister had for a summer, but then my lorazepam kicked in and Oxford climbed on my lap and all I wanted was this.
last week’s wishes
I didn’t sew, but I finally wrangled my Spoonflower order into shape and clicked the checkout button. I’ve seen no holiday rush from anywhere, at all. I could really use some money and/or sales and/or being hired for morale. The lorazepam’s been helping me through it, though. I’ve been working on my portfolio here and there, mainly editing photos; it’s going to be hard deciding which ones not to include. The lorazepam’s helped my brain disengage and give me a break, too. It also made me sleep until 10 PM last night but that’s happened before without lorazepam so I’m not sure where to place the blame there. My continued lack of motivation, I guess. It only goes so deep and lasts so long when I catch a glimpse of it. I used it all up on Saturday morning, I think, looking at coats in every store, waiting on an answer to a concern I had from the Spoonflower team and loading up on padding and interfacing for my gadget cases.
If I sound groggy, it’s probably because I’m writing this at 1 PM having been awake since 11 PM last night. And on lorazepam, which is technically a downer. I really do want to cuddle my cat right now.
this week’s wishes
1. Cuddle my cat.
…just kidding. Except I’m totally leaving it there. It’s cold so now he goes from blanket to blanket and occasionally he picks the blanket on my lap and climbs on top of me all on his own and he balls up right there where I can pet him and I should take whole stretches of time to do that.
2. Sew. Draw and cut and draw and cut and sew.
3. Keep looking for work in random places. If you know anyone who needs a photographer, female model or graphic designer, please send them to me? I (read: my mom and I) could really use the work (read: the money).
4. Keep doing other things. Slowly. Taking breaks every now and then.
5. Redo my CV. This pings my anxiety so hard and I don’t even know why. By all accounts it shouldn’t be scary at all now, but some part of me is stuck in a time when it was super, super scary and I had no idea what it was supposed to look like, what I wanted, what I’d done, or what the point of it all was. It’s all a bit clearer now. Not that much, but a bit clearer.
If I can do all these things without having another trich relapse like the pretty bad one I had between writing points 4 and 5, that would be ideal. But I think I’m mostly above having to put that on my to-do list… I hope. Gonna hit publish and go wash up before I pull out any more eyebrows.