Lix Hewett

Diaries Mental Health

Weekly Wishes: Recommitting to Self-Care

posted on August 11, 2014

weekly-wishes-8-11

Last week was awful. It was time to stop taking my paroxetine last Sunday after a month of slowly reducing my dosage, and I was okayish until Thursday, when I basically broke down and stayed broken down for three days. I was stable yesterday and I seem to be doing better today, but I know how easy it is for things to go awry and for me to get back in my own head and go down the ugly bad path again, so for this week’s Monday post I want to try to hold myself accountable for implementing certain self-care rules and making them a habit.

Lix’s Very Specific And Very Personal Guide To Taking Care Of Herself

 

  1. Fandom. This is massively important. I need fandom before I go to sleep, either in the form of fanfic, or a book, or an episode of TV. I need that, and I need to be around in my fandom spaces — daily. I’ve always got two browsers open, one with each of my Twitter accounts — the only social media platform I have separate accounts on — and it’s so sad that I’m so rarely on Safari when it just makes me feel good, and it doesn’t feel like a chore, and I love and trust my people, and it’s safe. I like the people I follow on my public accounts, but at the end of the day those accounts are public and I can’t control how people react to the content I put out. I can block and delete, but the damage — the anger, mainly — won’t be gone. I’ve always been huge on sharing, and being transparent, and being open about my mental health issues, and I will continue to be because I believe it’s the only way to make a difference and definitely the only way for me to be involved in activism. But I need to cocoon up in a safe space on a daily basis to avoid those days where I basically lose hope in everyone and also myself. Ergo: fandom. Plus, it’s great escapism.
  2. Early mornings. Early mornings are brilliant, and I miss them all the time because of oversleeping and other such bullshit. I have an alarm on that I completely slept through again last week, so I probably need to change it up a little, but keep it there. And just know that it’s all or nothing for me — either I get up at 8 AM or earlier, or it’s a lost cause till noon. I don’t want to sleep in till noon. So I need to get up early, and tire myself out, and go to bed at an elderly person hour. It’s not like I have things to do specifically at night, or people with bad sleeping habits rubbing off on me. I can do this, or at the very least remember that it’s possible and that I freaking love early mornings. Whole day’s ahead of you! Nothing feels quite so daunting when the whole day’s ahead of you. I can’t believe it’s still nine. (I didn’t go to sleep last night. This is not how I want to do early mornings, but hey. I’m not going to not enjoy it.)
  3. Stretching. See, the thing about exercising is that it’s tiring and also a lot of the time you sweat. I really kind of hate that. But I love stretching, and when I stretch I usually end up doing dips and jumps and turns and ballet walking and it’s all very on my terms and really great: it only takes as long as I want it to, I can set it to music, and I don’t have to shower afterwards. (I feel the need to wash my hair when I shower/sweat, and I wash my hair far too often already.) And it still gives me the benefits of a workout — the immediate ones but also the energy that builds up when you do it consistently. And the whole having a goal to work towards — I got so close to doing the splits back in 2012 after just stretching daily for a few months, and I want to see that on the horizon again, dammit.
  4. Actual human interaction. Partly in the form of fandom and partly I guess I just need to seek it out. I have trouble making plans with people because I’m constantly worried about money and also thinking about whether I can get them to hire me, and it’s crappy on a number of levels. I just need to get people to come here. It’s nice here! Let’s just have a chat. Let’s go on a photo walk. I don’t know, just help me stay sane.
  5. Writing everything down. Ideas for my blog, ideas for my business, job leads, thoughts, journaling, things to do, things to do broken into very very small bites, tentative schedules, actual blog posts, lists, dates, times, things that make me happy, basically everything. Because I will forget, and it will suck.

As much as nausea is a constant in my life, I have been doing a fairly good job of feeding myself lately, so I’m leaving that one out. I’m pretty sure I can’t do any better. I’m listening to my body on my budget, and it seems to be working out pretty well. So I just need to keep that up when there are people here. Nothing I cook is complicated enough to be embarrassing to do in front of people.

What are your self-care habits? Are there any you struggle to keep up?

  • I think self care is VERY important, I like to (try to) take at least 30 mins a day just to think and reflect – think about how my day went and plan for the next. I’m also a big fan of writing things down (I have stuff written down EVERYwhere!). Early mornings are great tools for me to get to a great start too. I’d add exercise too (I guess stretching kind of counts!) – after a run I always feel a million times better! Have a great week :-)

    • I always find journaling first thing in the morning really helpful – used to be a habit but I let it fall by the wayside and I’ve had trouble recommitting to that! I blame not having a cat to pet while I play games on my tablet. (The habit is not so much “journaling” as “taking at least 20 minutes first thing in the morning to catch up my planner and lists and just not be online straight away.”) I aaaalways regret actual physical exertion so stretching is the closest I’m going to get to that for now, haha. Maybe one day I’ll take up proper gymnastics lessons. I really would love to do that.

  • TheSubtleHipster

    This is a great list. I have definitely been indulging in fandom to feel better. I also agree on human interaction and this can be tricky – sometimes its not always the best way of self-care depending on who you are surrounding yourself with. I’m really glad I found your blog.

    • Human interaction is so complicated – I met someone for coffee yesterday and it was totally nice and relaxed, but my anxiety totally kicked up anyway and I had to take half a lorazepam to deal with my tachycardia. I didn’t sleep at all on Sunday though so it may have had something to do with that. But the other day my mom was like, why don’t you just find someone to talk to at Starbucks and like – I’ve gone to meetups where the express purpose is to network and introduce yourself to people and it was HORRIBLE (except for the cupcakes at the Etsy one). I need to be very careful. I’m trying to reach out to people through my fandom circles because it’s just so much easier to trust them.

  • TheJessaOlsonBlog

    I love this list. I need to be better about taking care of myself. I’m a new follower to this blog, and glad that I found you.

    • I’m glad you appreciated it! Thank you and welcome. <3

  • This is truly an awesome list and goals. I believe in your strength and that you will be able to tackle them in one way or another. All the best!

  • Rosie Rose

    Great post. I do struggle with taking care of myself… I procrastinate and then overwork myself. I don’t eat well in the morning, I tend to have a cup of coffee and a nibble of fruit and then get REALLY hungry around the time I should be having lunch. And then feel very picky. I also should do yoga or stretch more, I enjoy that too.

  • This is a great post. Self-care is so important and sometimes so, so hard.

    • Thank you! I’m still amazed by the way I just totally messed up my fandom life! Two years ago I would never have imagined being able to go an entire day without checking my fandom social media stuff, and look at me now. :( And then there’s the stuff where my mental health gets in its own way, like with oversleeping. Such a pain.

  • Really appreciate the comment on my photos – I always have trouble making photography posts because I feel like there’s not enough substance in it so this is really encouraging!

    I’ve done yoga on and off and I incorporate poses into my stretching, but I just know that I’ll never do anything if I know it’s going to take longer than two minutes, so I’m keeping it doable.

    Thank you so much!

  • I have a weird relationship with yoga – I like it, but it also leaves me kind of useless, so I avoid it, plus I have trouble putting aside time to do things, so stretching is easier to fit into my everyday life. But yoga is awesome if you can make yourself do it. Good luck!

  • I’m with you on all of them, but especially #1 and #5! Reading or watching something before I go to bed really helps soothe my mind and it means I stop thinking about all the stuff I have to get done. Also, I need to write everything down!
    ~Sara

  • Viridiana

    Hi, I found your blog through freeborboleta! I am so glad to see people sharing their personal stories and struggles regarding mental health. It is not an easy process going through anxiety, I also have anxiety and have went through depression. I am learning how to deal with it and how to better take care of myself. I just found an exercise program, full body workouts, which have helped me deal with muscle tension. The thing that I struggle with the most even though, I know it has helped me to sleep faster is a Meditation. I found a great meditation guide that is free from Head Space https://www.headspace.com/. Any who, you can count me as your new blog follower. :)

  • I’m terrible at getting up in the mornings too! I can get up super super early and I can get up very very late… there is no middle for me. I have been trying the SleepBot app, it tracks your sleep and you set an alarm (say 7am) and then you say wake me up within 30mins of it (never later than 7am) and when it detects you are in a lighter sleep it wakes you. For me, I have my alarm set for 6.30 with a 30min window, and it wakes me pretty consistently at 6.05am. But because it wakes you at a light sleep stage, you wake easier and are actually awake. Maybe it might help?

  • Mia Moore

    This is such a good list! I’m really bad at self-care. Or at least, I have a really hard time with it when I’m stressed or depressed or anxious. I need to make a list like this for myself!

  • Heather pratch

    Things-

    Hello,

    I felt like I had to write all this out because it was bursting inside of me.

    I followed you on a whim because we have mutual blogger acquaintances and are in the same networks. But after a while, I realized you’re incredibly irritating. I can’t even get away from your annoying comments because we’re in the same circles and I see your tweets fucking everywhere.

    You’re always complaining about something or another in your blog posts or twitter. Even on topical blog chats, I can’t get away from your whining. I don’t join them to hear 5 tweets in a row about your problems. It’s always This person is annoying, you want to punch them, or you’re whining for something. We got it the first five times. You always seem to be in the thinking that people should be doing things for you or bending to your conditions. Like anything else is outrageous.

    Annoying personality beside, you’re so unprofessional, it’s baffling. I don’t understand why people continue to work with you if they even bothered to look at your twitter. You call out other photographers, saying they’re doing childish work and insult other sites’ design. If you have those opinions, fine, don’t share them on a public twitter account. How will this inspire other creatives in the same field to work with you?

    How would you like if someone told everyone your creative work was ugly? It’s unprofessional and bratty. Don’t act all high and mighty about your own work. I don’t even think you should be charging such high fees compared to other people who do comparable designs but fine, your business.

    I hate it when you whine and say ‘it’s my anxiety. People need to respect mental health’. Don’t combine your own annoying personality with your mental disorder. As someone with social anxiety, panic attacks and OCD, your so called attempt to show the reality of mental health disorders in social media is horrible to me. I don’t and my friends with similar issues certainly don’t present their disorder like something where everyone should bend to our whims. There’s nothing wrong with needing help, in fact, it’s essential and already a hard thing to admit but you seem to only want it on your own terms. Asking for help is always the right thing to do but denying the help people offer and then choosing to complain more is just foolish and annoying.

    Mental health is a serious problem that needs to be addressed and supported but the way you frame it is always me me me me do it my way. Don’t call yourself some kind of activist for mental disorders when you’re only using your platform for your own complaints. Your so called activistism is laughable. It’s morr offensive and exploitive than anything . There are so many better ways to spread support for our community and awareness of mental health disorders than to do whatever you’re doing.

    I’m sure you’ll block me, tweet your wish to hit me or some other violent action (which I find kind of extreme and uncomfortable. Even virtually, no one wants to see people expressing wishes of murder for little things. Calm down), I’ll have to continue enduring your comments on blog chats but I expect nothing else. I’m not a troll just looking to stir shit up, I’m simply someone expressing a frustrated opinion. I’m sure there more a couple of other people who have as well tried to offer some helpful criticism but anything that doesn’t fit your standards, you automatically dismiss and block.

    Also, ‘I hate to say it but if I have to choose between suicide victim-blaming and suicide romanticization, I’ll pick the latter every time.’ — what the fuck? This is horrible to say. Both things are awful and extremely harmful and detrimental for people dealing with suicide. One should not be better than the other or even compared. You should know this.

    This is long and as I said, pointless in the end, but this is my personal struggle. I needed to post this and keep my sanity because wow I couldn’t deal with seeing your shit everywhere I look on the internet anymore.

    • yeah, okay. I hope you feel better now!