This post began last Thursday, when I was fighting a website theme after an all-nighter (the key was in the documentation) and thinking about writing this post, only I was too busy so I jokingly asked my best friend if she was up for guest-posting on my blog about my sleep schedule issues, by which I meant write this post so I didn’t have to.
So in the immortal (because it’s in the chat log) words of Annemari,
“Sometimes I wake up and Lix will still be up. Sometimes I spend the whole day wondering where Lix is and then she comes online around 7 PM and says she just woke up. But she’s been a lot better at it lately! The end.”
I want to say ‘a lot better’ fell by the wayside this week, but I guess if you compare this week to last year, or the year before, it’s still a massive improvement. I’ve only got up after 6 PM about four times in the four months since I moved to London. But I’m still a lot more likely to get out of bed on the wrong side of noon than the right one, and I’m still here, writing this post at 4:30 AM and contemplating another all-nighter, because the last one reset my sleep schedule so nicely, if by ’nicely’ you mean ‘not at all.’
But I want to be tired again! I don’t want to toss and turn for three hours like last night, which would come down to the same thing as going to bed at 6 AM, which means I will wake up at 1 PM like this morning, and then I won’t be able to sleep tomorrow night, either.
So on that note, I am going to liveblog my reading of an ebook that Feather and Black, the bedroom retailer, put out about Britain’s sleeping habits. You can download the ebook for free here, and you can even opt out of signing up for their newsletter while you do it. Sweet. Good stuff.
My first thought is that the menu could look better, more like a brochure and less like a page with a photo slapped behind it. My second thought is that I’m impressed by the compression of the pages here, because a lot of the photos are still pretty high quality. Not all of them, but many. I’m stuck in media kit mode. I made some breakthroughs last week. It’s probably different if you don’t use Photoshop to create PDFs, but… you’ll have to pry Photoshop out of my cold dead fingers.
In case you can’t decipher my phone screen fingerwriting, and also for accessibility:
People in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland drink coffee after 5 PM — me too!
Geordies sleep under 6 hours per night — what the hell is a geordie?
Yorkshiremen are kept awake by restless partners — lol what is a partner
People in the North West say they are too stressed to sleep — me too.
[Noise and lumpy mattresses and lying awake reading] [the first two were true of my room in Hampstead Heath] Londoners take Facebook and Twitter to bed — well I guess I fit that bill.
The writing in this book is adorable. So fitting.
Luckily for the nation, the sleep experts at Feather & Black have always got their beakers to hand, ready to mix up the perfect solution to a good night’s sleep.
First up we have a sleep guide for parents. Parents, who have children. My brain is my only annoying child. I don’t think I can give it a bath but I suppose I could try reading it a bedtime story. I keep meaning to make time for that.
I always wanted a high-rise bed like the one on this page. Sob. According to Kathleen McGrath, children who sleep well turn into adults who sleep well. I’m pretty sure I slept fine as a child. Also, if you’re not Katie McGrath I don’t really care what you have to say. Sorry. And in case you missed it, this is a thing that happened, and my brain maybe short-circuited. Maybe that’s why my sleep schedule got messed up again. It’s because Katie McGrath and Natalie Dormer killed me with hotness.
Where was I again.
True story: I don’t have any trouble getting 6+ hours of sleep per night. Well, I guess I have trouble getting them during nighttime, because I usually end up sleeping through the morning. Which sucks, and doesn’t actually lead to restfulness. Neither does working before bed, which I do a lot of the time. I stress and that makes my brain go on and on and on about stressful things. I had a stretch of time in July where I was falling asleep relatively easy, and it was all down to reading fanfic at night and indulging my sex drive. How is that not in this book? Orgasms are brilliant. I’m pretty sure this is science, and totally family-friendly.
YA books also used to work for me. And non-fiction. But it does get difficult to stop reading sometimes. I feel you, East Midlands.
For a second I freaked out that tea was on there as well, but I’d forgotten that you people make a distinction between herbal tea and normal tea. To me, normal tea is weird, and herbal tea is manzanilla and tila. Camomile and… lime blossom? Well, at least camomile is normal here. I was always partial to lime blossom tea for relaxation purposes. Not that it actually worked. I can never tell when things work, unless they’re lorazepam (good feeling) or I went overboard with the caffeine (tachycardia. I avoid this).
Beyond this, Feather & Black recommends blackout curtains — which would make it harder for me to get up in the morning; I want the sun to hit me in the face, thanks — and earplugs — sure, if you need them — and some kind of pillow spray. Now that’s something I’d never heard of. Me, I like my pillows smelling like laundry detergent. Best smell. With lavender and things, I just start sniffing and get distracted. I know this because I had a lavender-filled eye mask once. It drove the point home that I have a hard time wearing things on my head to bed.
Next up is bedroom environment. I wish I had a bigger bed, but I’m actually quite fine right now. The mattress and springboard in my room in Hampstead Heath were atrocious, and while my current sofa bed is just as small, it is significantly more comfortable.
“Turning off our gadgetry two hours before bedtime (…) is the first step in helping us prepare ourselves for sleep.” That seems a bit much. What am I supposed to do for two hours without tech? I moved country, I didn’t bring any books with me. They’re all on my tech. As is all the fanfic.
I do keep wanting to write to-do lists before sleep, though. I’m pretty sure that’s an actual good idea.
Meanwhile, I would really like a blanket, because this place is really cold. And an armchair, and then I could snuggle up with my laptop to work during the day so I can be more relaxed at night. I like the look of this throw, and these towels so I can stop dripping on the floor in the morning, and ahhhhhh one of these chairs. And some nice white bed linen.
Just let me dream. Let me dream while I’m awake at 5:40 AM. I should probably plow through and actually go to bed early this evening. No commitments on Wednesday morning, so it’s ideal.
And now I’m yawning. Because of course. Also, running out of battery on my laptop. Half an hour till dawn. I can kill time on my phone until the sun rises and then hop in the shower. Hopefully I won’t fall asleep between now and that moment. God knows when I’ll get up if I do that. Frankly, I don’t want to know.
Good morning, people!
This is a PR collaboration. Screenshots were taken from Feather & Black’s Sleep Book, and then I put writing on a couple of them because why not. But the screenshots themselves do not belong to me.