Life / Things I'm Thinking

1. Data Loss

So my external hard drive is completely dead. Dead and gone. Apparently getting someone to do data recovery on it would run me something in the vicinity of 900€. Which I don’t have, and if I did I’d be making my plans to return to London for a month this summer. Which I’m not. So I’m keeping the external in the event of a miracle, but for now that means I’ve lost some shoots that were so, so dear to me, like one I did with my friend Bethany and a model in Hampstead Heath, and one I did with another model, and all the photos from my long, long walk down Belsize Lane to South Hampstead, which are some of my favorite shots I’ve ever taken, and I always intended to post under the heading Fairytale of Belsize Park.

I found the August 30 shoots with Leigh (there was more than this part) and Emma (here) on a USB stick, and the shoots I did for Pixiebell on another, and there’s a lot on my laptop. I can also get back some of the 50mm shots, because I erase my camera card so infrequently I still have photos from a week before I left London in there (and from the week I left: thank god). But the losses sting a fair bit. I’m still taking it really well, considering, and I’m just going to chalk that up to the antidepressant and lack of money stressors crushing me at the moment.

2. Antidepressants

Day 23 of escitalopram: I took a nap. As usual, I’m groggy and disgruntled and a bit off. Naps are bad for you, kids. It just felt so good to lie in bed with my cat on my legs. One of the things I’m most looking forward to about getting my room back is switching which awful creature I sleep with. My cat >>>>>>>>>> my sister, as bed partners go. My sister’s allergic, so “both” is not an option.

At least I ate before I napped. My appetite issues are still very real and very there. Every few days there’s one where I can’t stomach anything and end up asking my mom (shut up) to make me a fruit salad. She hates when I don’t have my meals, so they’re very serious fruit salads, and they go down well, but being nauseous at the thought of food all day long isn’t pleasant. And yesterday was one of those days.

The thing the escitalopram seems to be really helping with is my sleep schedule. Two weeks ago, I made a goal of getting up before 2 PM every day and finished with flying colors. This week, it was before 1 PM, and once again it was a smashing success. This week I’m going for before noon, and so far it’s going really well. And at night, I’m tired and just pass out sometime between midnight and 2 AM. It isn’t always smooth — some days I wake up every time my sister gets up to snack, or get her inhaler, or whatever the fuck it is she has to turn the light on for — or I can’t get to sleep in an age, and this morning I had a murder nightmare, but it’s progress.

Now I need to get up even earlier because my patio is unbearable from 12:30 on and I need a few hours to get a grip and get things done here.

3. Work

Work has been weird. For all that I’m getting up earlier, it hasn’t translated into productivity. I think in the entire week, I designed a media kit, did some admin, wrote three blog posts (one is a Travelodge review going up tomorrow), and indulged a lot in organizing files. And bookmarks. And Evernote. And my blog categories. I have a couple of new projects I’m excited to work on, but I’m waiting for payments and questionnaires and whatnot, which is always kind of nerve-wracking.

Mostly I’ve just been tired. I don’t know if it’s the heat, or the fact that I’m getting up earlier — if it’s the latter, I’ll probably get used to it. I have a burst of mild energy after I shower, and I often lose it because it’s already too hot to work in the patio and I can’t work in my sister’s room with her sleeping there.

4. Plans

I can’t make any. It’s outrageous, honestly. I don’t feel ready to go back to the UK at all, but I’m also really excited to be able to do some editorial shoots, maybe, without worrying about getting paid, so… I don’t know. I’m vaguely thinking about getting my photography portfolio together and running a crowdfunding campaign again, but I have no idea if anyone would buy a shoot from me. That’s what I’d be doing really, pre-selling shoots. There really won’t be any issue if one of my work projects doesn’t fall through, but anyway. There’s a thought.

Have also vaguely considered putting up a list of all the post ideas I have and letting other people pick the order in which I do them… and maybe challenge myself to see how many posts I’m physically capable of putting together in a day? Would anyone want to play along with me? On Twitter or something? Maybe I should do it properly, like Paper & Oats’s Batch Day. I don’t know!

I did set up a mailing list, but I haven’t added subscription boxes anywhere. I want to send out a monthly newsletter with cool links and portfolio updates and maybe exclusive goodies or advice. Haven’t fully laid it all out yet. But while I’m here, let’s test it. I set up forms for Nirvana Cakery, but she had a plugin and I’m not totally sure how this all works yet.

Well, it took me a while but there it is. Let me know if it works?

–

How was your week?

Kelly

I use the Genesis eNews widget for my mailing list! Also, should I have paid you? Wasn’t sure, and wasn’t sure if we had worked that out. But just let me know how much and I can do that whenever :)
- Lix Hewett
  
  Oh, need to check that out! And don’t worry about the logo, I want to keep working with you as a developer so I figure that’ll more than make up for my design work! I’m just gathering all the info now and figuring out timelines for stuff. Reliability is my most awful weakness.
  - Kelly
    
    Sounds good! Hah, same here. As soon as I have stuff to do, I start thinking, ugh I don’t want to anymore.
Erin @ comadiary

Things sound like they might, almost, be looking up for you. Which you deserve so much. A decent sleep schedule should, in theory, help your mental health. I’ve always been told how important routine is. Sharing a room sounds painful, but if you can make the best of it then that’s great. Also, pusspuss!
- Lix Hewett
  
  They are a bit, I think. I’m not as scared of making lists, I’m getting work done, I’m nowhere near as painfully stressed most of the time. Sharing can be proper awful sometimes, esp when my sister doesn’t get out of bed until super late. I don’t know why she stopped going to school, but I wish she hadn’t. Alas. The weather throws wrenches in my plans sometimes, like I thought maybe I could stay out today because it’s colder, but my neighbors had awful music on and then the sun kept coming and going and blinding me. Still, it’s usually nice in the morning.
  
  …so there are pluses, is what I’m saying. Kind of want to write a post sometime about pluses and minuses of moving back in with your parents at twenty-five. The cat is a highlight for sure. Like part of the reason I don’t want to move anywhere permanently in the near future is I’d miss the cat’s life! That is so unfair to me. Psh.
Kerri

Data recovery is such an expensive thing!!
On the weekend I made myself a blog schedule, just for fun and it’s really got me motivated. Nothing about planning posts, but planning what type of posts to publish on which days. I think that’s what my blog has been missing, a regularity to the content. Even if I miss the day, or don’t have anything for that topic, I really like the idea of certain topics on certain days.

I’m terrible at making life plans… I hope your plans come together in the end :) When you make some ;)
- Lix Hewett
  
  I just came across a similar day-category list I made a while back and I have totally failed at it, minus keeping style posts on Wednesdays… sometimes. But I love the idea of consistent topics on certain days, too. I just suck at consistently writing the posts. I want to try something new and spread them out after writing them, instead of set dates with just titles next to them, because I invariably fail those.
  
  There may have been a semi breakthrough today, maybe, for dates. Blogger event I could shoot, and it’s all the way in September, so not too scarily close. Hmmm.

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