Largely because if I wait any longer my joints will just refuse to live. Also I may not look as good, but there’s always makeup for that and I’m still getting carded on the reg, so I think I have a good two decades of being photogenic ahead of me still.
I just did a boudoir shoot the other day, bear with my ego. I looked good. (Compliments to the photographer and my travel partner, Julia, who also let me shoot her. We’ll post these photos eventually, and the universe will collectively sigh and stare because we’re hot, y’all.)
Anyway, onwards and literally upwards, this is what I’d really like to get to when I can afford it:
I could try to coach myself, and I’m pretty sure I’d break my neck and die, especially because the thing I am most interested in with regards to gymnastics is bars. Since I’m never going to be good enough to compete and I’m just doing it as a personal challenge slash I love gymnastics and want to give eight-year-old me the satisfaction of doing a goddamn cartwheel, I may well skip out beam and even vault — but I want someone to guide me through the rest, and I want good equipment, and I know how expensive it is from the array of interviews and gymnastics-related media I have seen.
Either to work up to gymnastics or as an extra, I wouldn’t mind being coached in tennis and/or aerials, either. Turns out I want to fly, apparently. Who knew?
My teeth have been a massive-ass disaster for as long as I can remember, and they’re not getting any better. I’m not embarrassed by them, but I do spend a lot of time making sure I don’t grin in photos, and I’ve had to edit my protruding front tooth more than once, because one front tooth protruding further than its twin is just unsightly, I can’t be body posi about that, not least of all because they’re that way from me trying to grit my anger away through my teeth. Everything is just incredibly uneven and so profoundly not white, and I have a fang on one side of my mouth but not the other. I don’t even want to lose the fangs, honestly; I kind of want to have two. But I suppose I could part with them.
Fangs aside, though, since I saw Rebecca from Bec Boop get Invisalign I’ve been eying it, and it’s gone on the bucket list. There’s nothing else about myself I would change — my wonky knees are fine! My stretch marks have character (and don’t show in photos often)! I’m actually really happy with my body and even my face, most of the time, plus I’m terrified of standard surgery, so that’s a no. But fuck if I don’t want an even set of close-to-white teeth, and Invisalign seems to make that so easy with little to no negative effects.
This is the least exciting, but also priority #1. I just want to find a good therapist. It’s pretty self-explanatory. I want to be able to choose them, and that costs money. It might even require a change of location altogether, which may compound or lessen my anxiety, but wouldn’t cancel the need for therapy in any way. I know there are other avenues I can pursue in the meanwhile, but they’ve failed me before and if you have any experience with mental health services, you know how discouraging it can be to try and try and try and fail and fail. I want someone who understands what I’m going through, who treats me with respect, and who has similar values — and I’d really prefer it to be in-location therapy, because blocking out part of my day for it and physically stepping out does wonders for my ability to get out of my own way and focus.
This is threefold: I want to 1) cosplay Lara Croft 2) in a LARPing scenario 3) while someone photographs it for posterity and beauty. I don’t think a realistic outfit (and it needs to be realistic) would be that difficult to acquire, but the rest of the goal is somewhat lofty. I’d of course love to do some wild outdoors shots, which would be a real physical challenge for me, but I’d most like to LARP in something like, oh, a museum, a big city — places where people aren’t just going to cordon themselves off for you. So I’m pretty sure it would cost me an eye if I wanted to convince one of these places to let me use it as a location.
But oh, it would be magnificent.
Is there anything like this you’re hoping to do soon? Tell me all about your health & fitness hopes and dreams!
Post was written in collaboration with Hampstead Orthodontic Practice.