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Diaries Expat Wannabe Freelancing London Oxford Sponsored Travel

Life / Expat / What Changes In Six Years

posted on April 9, 2015
me-by-annemari

Photo by Annemari S

 

In 2008, I spent three weeks in Oxford. I was going to say it’s well-documented on this blog, but that’s a lie, actually; I’d love to pull some travel posts out of the 2,000+ pictures I have from that time, many of which I still like. I do however mention it a fair bunch.

What I don’t think I’ve ever talked about is the two weeks I spent wondering if I could maybe — possibly — if it might be viable for me to find a job, and stay.

oxford-buses

At the time, I had a laptop, and I had my fandom corners and friends online, but I didn’t have a blog, or a shop, or anything resembling income. I didn’t have any work experience either, and I’d never in my life written a CV. I’m sure people used Skype at the time, but my mom and I talked by phone. Internationally. I’m pretty sure she ran up a three-digit bill.

Oxford wasn’t a perfect experience by any means; I had to attend an ESL course I didn’t feel I was getting anything out of, and I was put up with a host family that I got along with so poorly everyone was relieved when I was moved to a flatshare for my last week. That flatshare was in Jericho, which is a ten-minute walk to the very middle of Oxford — possibly the middle of Oxford itself; I’m not that familiar with what falls where geographically — and it was the biggest room I’ve ever been in, and maybe my favorite week of my life, perhaps second to the week my best friend was here in London last year, the first week I was here — and even then there were stressors because I had to flathunt and wasn’t exactly swimming in savings.

Oxford suited me in a way I’ve never felt any other place suit me before. I felt at peace there. I was on my own, but I didn’t feel it. I wanted to stay. I really did.

oxford-cobbles

I just didn’t know how to, so I moved back to Spain.

Fast-forward six years, or wait: let’s have a little montage of those six years first. Started an English degree in my hometown in Spain; dropped out as I couldn’t afford the tuition. Proceeded to spend five years at home, going out of the house maybe once a month, once every few months, to the library or when I had to buy something, which was rare because my family was pretty damn poor and I had the internet to keep me company. I wrote a lot of fanfic and I wallowed and my anxiety got so bad I eventually asked my GP for antidepressants. Those helped. In August 2012, I started paroxetine and quit writing. I tried to sell bits and bobs on eBay. Then in December, I opened a photography print shop on Etsy.

My laptop was on its last breath, and I couldn’t blog, or design, or do any of the things I was now realizing might be a viable career — the only career in a job market where the only available positions ever were door-to-door salesmen; a job market where a street-long queue waited to give in their CVs for a retail job that popped up behind my building once. I ran a crowdfunding campaign, one of the most stressful experiences of my life, bar having to pay rent and flathunt. New laptop led to this blog (with help from my friends, and with help from a specific friend for the hosting of this site as well), and then, on my birthday, I opened a design shop. November 2013. I was 24 at that time.

I started thinking about taking the leap to London. My laptop allowed me a movable source of income, a growing source of income, and my best friend started planning a trip to London to see her friend Ashley, who was doing a semester abroad here. My home life had been a toxic environment for a long time, and even though I could have saved up further, I knew if I waited, not only would I not see my best friend for god knows how long (we first met face to face in London in 2008, for one morning) but I’d never have the courage to jump on a plane on my own and book a hotel on my own and start flathunting on my own.

So I booked a flight, and I booked train tickets to Madrid. I bought a suitcase and got another from a friend of my mom’s. And I came here thinking, well, if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. I may only be here a week.

–london-regents-pink

It’s been eleven months, and sometimes I’m so proud of myself for having made it this far. Sometimes, however, there are weeks like this week, where I need to flathunt and I’m still broke and my anxiety isn’t triggered by my toxic living environment but my financial stressors, constantly. I keep breaking down.

But I don’t want to go home. I don’t want to move back to Spain; I don’t want to leave England. Not for long, and not for home, not when summer’s approaching — braincell-killer summer in Spain; so much nicer and more productive in the UK for a photographer and model! — and it’s my parents’ turn to host my grandma, so I wouldn’t even have a room of my own there.

For the first months I was here, I skyped my mom daily. I fell into a bit of a depression hole in October and it went down to several times a week, once a week, sometimes longer periods without. My wifi fails and it frustrates me when I’m already doing badly with my mental health. But we still communicate — through twitter DMs, of all places. No huge phone bill is run, and I get to see my darling cat up on the screen, sometimes, though I miss him most of all because I can’t exactly communicate with him.

I’ve thought about going to Europe, finding cheaper places and traveling a little, for blog content, because it may well be cheaper than living in London for much longer, because maybe I’d eventually be close enough to Spain to visit my back and do it all over again.

I don’t know if I have the strength, but I’m thinking about it. And after that, maybe I’d be making enough to live in Belsize Park again, or give up the London thing and go back to Oxford.

Either way, this entire thing couldn’t have happened six years ago, and if I didn’t have the Internet none of this would have worked. I’ll refer you to the contents of my bag on that train from Stansted to London, and the person who took that picture — someone I met online a full decade ago.

—

I wrote this post for the Second Time Lucky campaign with Ocean Finance. I’m hoping they can help me get back on my feet, and have a clearer head when I consider options like ‘move to Berlin for a month because it’s cheaper there and you’ve always wanted to go to Germany, self, don’t front, you’d swoon in the little towns and take all of the selfies.’

Also in partnership with Legal & General. My entire income comes from cameras, laptops, blogs — technology has basically changed my life for the better, and given me options where there would have been none otherwise.

1 Comment

Budgeting Diaries Expat Wannabe Freelancing Mental Health Things I'm Thinking

5 Things / I’m Thinking About

posted on February 1, 2015

THIS BLOG

 
I’m changing my approach to blogging for February. It’s not going to be overly different from your end, I don’t think, but it feels different to me and that makes it exciting and fun and when something is exciting and fun, I’m allowed to run with it.

Basically, I was on chookooloonks.com the other day, and Karen has started a #365daily project where she snaps and posts a photo every day. I’ve been going over the idea in my head for a while, how it would fit into my current blog and whatnot, and I realized that:

1. There’s not much of a blogging routine for something to fit into anyway; this blog was dead for most of January.
2. I don’t want to take new photos as much as I want to get through my backlog.
3. My backlog is full of things I would like to post anyway, like portrait and fashion shoots, travel-related bits and whatnot.
4. Posts I normally sniff at — reviews, in particular — seem much more substantial when you approach them as a beautiful photo accompanied by musings on whatever the photograph is about.
5. I don’t have to stop posting ‘normal’ content; I can just do the ‘starts with a photo’ approach on any days that I don’t have regular content ready to go, and use the ‘starts with a photo’ approach to create regular content like outfit posts and longer photography posts.

I’m trying this for February and seeing how it goes. It means this blog may come off more journal-y than usual, and if I know myself, I may get weirdly embarrassingly existential a time or two. Forgive me if the seventeen-year-old snob in me comes out. She’s got issues.

MY LIFE

 
1. Instagram

I’m still doing this consistently, which is a wonder and a half. But I’m loving it anyway.

This Week On Instagram / February 1, 2015 / Lix Hewett

My regular Starbucks / Sunset over Lambolle Place / Angel Station
Coffee / A street in Covent Garden / The National Gallery / ___ / Cat

#WearYourDamnJewelry:
Umbrella earrings: JEMS / Guitar pick pendant: Greenleaf Pick Company
Leaf earrings: Promethean Design / Umbrella necklace: JEMS / Envelope necklace

2. Context

I had a design gig for a PR agency starting last Tuesday — that’s what I was talking about last week when I said I had a reason to keep normal-people hours for the following two weeks. I stressed about everything I could possibly think of to stress about, got there on Tuesday and had most of my concerns relieved, and then at the end of Wednesday, I was told my project had been put on hold. I’ve been depressed all week, because the money for the two weeks would have been a lifesaver, and losing the prospect of it hit me really hard even though I’m nowhere near as badly off as I was for most of last year.

That’s where the Angel station picture came from. The central London photos are from two Tuesdays ago.

3. Upsides

Having to get up at 7 AM two days in a row made me tired at night, which means I’ve been going to bed before 2 AM — often by midnight — all week, and getting up during daylight, if not proper early.

Working full-time made me realize I can get a lot more work done than the amount I operate (and budge) under if I focus and have a lot of time to group and regroup.

I got to meet Ashleigh and it was awesome to have someone to talk to. I don’t get a lot of that irl these days. I also happened to stress not at all about it at any point, which was strange because I usually start worrying I’ve said something stupid or embarrassing five minutes into meeting someone, but that didn’t happen with her.

Working full-time made me realize I can handle and in fact would like a regular job. Part-time, preferably, but I want one regardless, and I want to look for one, and one of these days I will crack down on my resume and start applying. Hopefully this week. I’m still terrified of spending a ton of money on transport and not getting an actual job at the end of it, but I might as well try sending my CV in for things and see what happens.

4. Expenses

I added up my expenses for January and it’s £885.45 total, which isn’t fantastic but given £740 are rent and bills and the rest of it is evenly split between groceries, toiletries and Starbucks with a small amount for transport for a job, I maintain that I should focus on making more money, not on spending less.

–

And how was your week?

13 Comments

Budgeting Expat Wannabe Freelancing

Weekly Wishes: November 17, 2014

posted on November 17, 2014

weekly-wishes-2014-11-17

I’ve had a very weird weekend. I could have been on the edge of a panic attack, but my meds — my lorazepam — pulled me back so thoroughly that I was actually productive, and optimistic, and just not thinking about my stressors at all. Then I came across Ashten’s current gratitude journal project, and realized I was at a stage with my mental health where it made sense to me to try to focus on the good — it’s a great 52 Week project because I’m starting off from such a terrible place and hoping to get to a significantly better one, and I was already journaling every day because of NaNoWriMo, so I’ve started listing things that made me happy every day along with that.

Last night, I even decided to use my Minted gift card on a planner and a couple of notebooks — only to be thwarted when it turned out the code wouldn’t apply to shipping. I’ve emailed them to try and sort it out; if anyone wants to help me out, I’ll buy you something with my gift card if you cover my shipping. (It’s $9.95 shipping. Really, it’s just. I’m that broke. Why is that whenever I get to buy myself a treat, something about shipping ends up messing it up?)

Long-running goals update

 

  • My blog redesign is progressing — the control freak in me is freaking a bit, but I’m so excited to see the mockup I did actually come to life, which I could never have developed on my own. Probably. Definitely not. Maybe someday.
     
  • My Americommerce shop is on its rightful subdomain now, which means I need to populate it so I can launch. To that end, I’ve created a bunch of subfolders in my edited pictures folder matching the organization system I used for the shop categories. Now I need to move stuff into them, edit, upload, write the copy. You know, everything except creating folders to put images in.
     
  • Weekly Wishes [Link-up]

     

  • Like I said above, I’ve picked my 52 Week project, and that project is keeping a gratitude/things-that-make-me-happy journal and blogging or vlogging about it every week. I may vlog more stuff — I’m definitely vlogging a pseudo haul this week, you’ll see, and I keep toying with the idea of filming myself singing a cappella and uploading that to youtube every week (or even every day if it proves easy) until someone takes pity on me and sends me a guitar. Which is extremely unlikely to ever happen, so I’ll probably fizzle out before I reach my goal, but it would be fun, wouldn’t it? I think it would be fun. I have no shame.
     
  • I’ve got a ridiculous amount of writing to do, for this blog and for other things, and I’m hoping I can put a day aside and just write all day long.
     
  • I’ve also got an art exhibit to go to tomorrow evening, and I may be doing my first boutique feature! Yay! So I’m actually going to central London twice this week. Amazing. Should probably get started editing the photos from last Friday’s House of Fraser Press Preview before any more accumulate. That’s next on my schedule after I finish this post. Couldn’t neglect my blog any longer; it helps pay the bills, after all.
     
  • I’ve found a little trick to get up slightly earlier than usual, and that trick is not checking my phone until I’m out of the shower. I’m usually pleasantly surprised. The other trick is actually putting my phone down after reading something instead of spend two hours playing Facebook games on it. It’s soooooo hard, though, you guys. So hard. But I’m trying. I’ll keep you posted. I’ve been doing really well at cultivating some other good habits, specifically using both the face wash and serum I got from Facacia and stretching properly while I dry my hair. I’m also eating less chocolate, astonishingly. My face is still a disaster but I’m holding up all right. Eating proper meals, watching gymnastics while I eat. Good stuff.
     
  • My big goal for the week is the list-making kind: I want to see if I can schedule my days the day before and actually get through each day’s to-do list. I’ve kind of decided to start taking lorazepam as a daily treatment and if it allows me to focus enough on what I have to do to do it — then it’s worth it, you know? I’ve been giving myself deadlines and I want to stick to them. In short, I’m trying to get organized, and for the first time in ages I feel like I’m getting somewhere.
     
  • So that’s what I’m hoping to focus on this week. What are you doing this week?

    5 Comments

    Expat Wannabe Freelancing Graphic Design London Mental Health

    24 Things I Did When I Was 24

    posted on November 8, 2014

    24 Things When I Was 24

    Because if you can’t reflect on what you’ve accomplished on your birthday, when can you?

    1. Started a design business — or started freelancing as a designer, whichever. I filled up my Etsy shop in the wee hours of November 8, 2013, and hopefully I’ll have redesigned all the graphics by the end of the weekend. I’m also raising my prices tomorrow, so if you’ve been thinking about hiring me, today would be an excellent time!

    2. Discovered print design via media kits, and realized if I could only ever do print design with the occasional logo and larger project thrown in, I would be a happy designer.

    3. Designed a magazine cover with my face on it. This was last week, but it counts.

    district-cover

    4. Modeled professionally — i.e. for money — for the first time in my life.

    5. Was on a boat also for the first time in my life. For a shoot. Wore a wedding dress for the first time in my life, also for a shoot. Modeling is kind of awesome, but can be terribly exhausting, too.

    self-portrait-boat-1590

    6. Attended my first ever blogger event. It was interesting. My social anxiety reached highs (lows?) I’d forgotten it could reach, but I’m glad I went.

    7. Met my best friend in person again for the first time since 2008.

    8. Photographed a fashion shoot with a full creative team for the first time in my life. It was one of those experiences where you learn a few things the hard way — both about yourself and about other people, the creative industry, the importance of agreements and so on. I haven’t shared this shoot on the blog yet, but I will sometime this month. I’m proud of those photos, and I enjoyed working with the creatives on that team.

    9. Photographed products for money for the first time! That’s another shoot I’m dying to share with you guys. Not only did I photograph them, but I also modeled them. Self-portraiture commercial photography is so much fun when you’ve got a little bit of help.

    product-photography

    Click to book!

    10. Photographed real-life people who were actually there to be photographed. Not for money, yet, but hopefully sometime soon. I’ve posted two bits of shoots so far: Christine Cherry and Leigh Travers. But there’s a fair bit more.

    Beauty Photography by Lix Hewett London Portrait Photographer

    Another beauty shoot I need to post: Paulina Maria (model) styled by herself and made-up by Bethany Owen, who styled and MUA’d and organized the boat shoot above.

    11. Volunteered to photograph a Pride event. Need to share those photos on the blog, too, probably. This list may be a list of posts to come, ha.

    12. Got used to getting out of the house and walking at least ten minutes every day again for the first time since I dropped out of college (again) in 2009.

    13. Went off antidepressants. It was horrible. I needed a change, and I stabilized eventually, but I had some of the worst days I’ve ever had. I was suicidal and crying and couldn’t do anything.

    14. Had a lot of breakdowns over money. Had some of the truly worst days of my life. Survived them all.

    printrbook - lix hewett

    And made a book to remember it.

    15. Started making money regularly, if only because I needed it to stay housed and fed. Didn’t always make it on time, but things worked out somehow. In this new year of my life, I would like to take the “somehow” out of the equation.

    16. Flathunted for the first time in my life. It was horrible. It did a number on my mental health. It really was my least favorite thing I did this year. The thought of having to do it again sometime makes me understand why people pay exorbitant agency fees. Then again, I’d probably have had less trouble flathunting if I’d had that kind of cash. Things worked out, anyway. Somehow. Stroke of luck. I don’t want anyone to think there’s a trick or a way to make it through flathunting in London on a tiny budget unscathed. There isn’t, unless you have a stroke of luck.

    17. Lived in Ciudad Real, Spain, with my parents and sister and cat; lived in Belsize Park with my best friend for a very short time; lived in Leicestershire with a friend I met through this blog for another short time; lived in Ladbroke Grove with two cats and a puppy (and a landlady); lived in Streatham with a kitten (and no one else); lived in Crouch End with a flatmate whose father was the owner of the flat; lived in Hampstead Heath with a host family (and another lodger); lived — live — in Belsize Park in a rented room in the landlady’s flat, with said landlady and two cats and another lodger (and as of today, one besides).

    There was a lot of moving. A lot of temporary solutions and things that didn’t work out. I have a year-long lease now, and I’m hoping it will last the year, at minimum. See #16.

    There were also quite a few cats.

    streatham-elliot-face

    This is the one I was tasked with keeping alive for a week.

    18. Wrote for money for the first time in my life. Truly never thought I’d be able to make money off my writing, so it’s been an interesting turn. I need to be more consistent about it, because I truly suck at that bit, but there’s potential for regular income and that’s really important to me.

    I also designed an infographic.

    19. Had a crush on a real live person for the first time in ages. I forgot about it until a few weeks ago, and then I was like, wait, no, it wasn’t that long ago that I last had a proper crush. I was still on antidepressants, so it was a bit different from crushes past, but it was definitely a crush. It’s just good to know I haven’t lost my ability to be attracted to real-life people, you know? Years of basically being a hermit can make you wonder.

    20. Was on my own for my birthday for — the second time, actually. First was in college, the first time, when I was in a dorm. Similar bad place, similar journaling bits, only now I depend on myself, and I mostly make it work. But I haven’t cried in a really bad way yet, and that’s kind of amazing.

    21. Skipped the Spanish summer, and could not be happier about that. Finally. (Sorry I missed my sister’s birthday, but you know. I wasn’t in the country.)

    Not that summer skipped London, but it wasn't awful nearly as frequently.

    Not that summer skipped London, but it wasn’t awful nearly as frequently.

    22. Designed a mockup of my ideal blog, and delegated the coding to a friend. This was also last week, and it also still counts. I’m straightening out my branding and I’m very, very happy with the way it’s turning out.

    23. Invested in a few things — was able to invest in a few things — starting with a tripod and a tablet, and ending with a flight to another country for the purpose of a trip to see my best friend or maybe staying, if I could make it work for me.

    24. Made it work for me, and stayed in London. Six months last week. When 2013 started, I’d made that the year I got out, and it never happened — but it happened four months into 2014. Despite all the stress, all the worrying, all the breakdowns, all the times I’ve missed my cat and my guitar and my mom, not necessarily in that order; despite how hard it’s been, I’m so, so, so proud of myself for taking the plunge and getting that flight ticket.

    I try to keep that in mind, because it was a true display of bravery that I didn’t think I was capable of. I really thought it would never happen, not on my own. But I’m here, and I’m finding my footing, and all through the pessimistic bits, all the hopelessness, this is where I want to be. This was my dream move, and I made it happen.

    —

    So, those are some things I did when I was 24. I still need to go through my 25 Before 25 list and see how hard I failed at it, but I did make progress on some of it. And then I’ll see about putting together a 26 Before 26 — or maybe not until I’ve accomplished at least 50% of the 25 list. That seems doable, yeah? I think it does.

    Back to work now — that’s what I’m doing for my birthday, trying to use the motivation of a new beginning to get on track. I blogged about this on Tuesday, and my birthday wishlist is still open if anyone wants to buy me anything. Like I keep saying: book me for a shoot and I’ll buy that 50mm lens and use it on you. Do it for my birthday. Or for yourself. I do take excellent pictures, and I do excellent design things with them.

    40 Comments

    Diaries Freelancing

    Diaries: The October Wrap

    posted on November 3, 2014
    Photo of sunshine through red leaves in Belsize Park, by Lix Hewett

    [ print available here ]

    In My Life

     
    I started October off sick, and the entire month was an uphill battle. I made it, and last week was so, so, so much better than the three before, but I’m not out of the woods yet… and I haven’t listened to Taylor Swift’s 1989 yet, either. Coincidence? Actually, I think not. Which says things about me that I don’t want to get into. It’s just that I got the lease on this flat the day after Shake It Off came out and I’ve been an irrational mess over this album ever since. With the occasional break to just be excited for new Taylor Swift music.

    So, October. I can’t remember much of what I did, to be truthful, which is one of the reasons I’ve decided to use the peer pressure of NaNoWriMo to motivate myself to journal every day, and list the stuff I did. Maybe what I ate, too, because I spend way too much money on chocolate and it makes me sad. I used to have a modicum of self-control, and fewer acne breakouts. I also know I’ll feel it if I don’t start eating more fruit soon. I coast on broccoli for greens, and that’s probably not enough. Plus, I like fruit. I’m just… lazy about peeling it…

    Anyway, journaling before I do anything else is great — it grounds me a bit and that’s really helpful for starting the day off on the right foot. I’ve also picked up two Instagram daily challenges because another thing I completely disregarded in October was taking pictures of shit. Sure, my backlog’s got smaller, but it should get smaller because I’m editing things, not because I’m not picking up my camera. Besides, in the span of time I just spent editing a picture to go with this post, I realized a) I hadn’t taken any since October 5, when I was sick; and b) I love photography. Like, I enjoy it with a passion I only get occasional glimpses of in design or blogging when I either make unexpected money or a project I’m working on is just my style, like the media kit I designed this weekend. And even then, it’s just not the same.

    —

    Work-wise, I wrote a couple of articles and designed an infographic, which wasn’t completely new to me because I’ve done similar things for media kits, but it was my first actual infographic. I’ve got a lead on another writing gig, so fingers crossed I can get that going, and start writing properly weekly for Photodoto (that one’s on me).

    I edited a whole modeled product shoot for Pixiebell and added a product photography listing to my Etsy shop. I designed two media kits (and a cover on Friday night, but didn’t finish the draft till Saturday), a set of ad banners, a product tag, a set of labels; started on another set, fixed up three logos, and started redesigning the design shop.

    I made a mockup of my blog redesign as well; it’s currently under development by the same person who moved me to www.lixhewett.com. I trust me, but I trust other people more. I also trust other people’s wifi more than mine, to be honest.

    —

    At some point I received the shop I won with AmeriCommerce, and I learned my way around the dashboard, more or less, but I haven’t done a lot of work on it because I don’t feel in control. Last week I decided to submit a ‘go live’ ticket so they’d move it to my subdomain before I started uploading my products; I was told it was a 3-5 day waitlist for this, not weeks like I usually get between asking for something to be changed in my design and getting a response (if at all), but… I’m still waiting. And I feel bad for talking about this openly because I won a giveaway, I’m not paying for this, I’m obviously not their top priority, and actually the last time any of the people originally assigned to me replied to my questions was when I tweeted about how freaked out I was that they weren’t being communicative.

    But all I want is my move. I don’t even want the menus fixed — Leila (my developer friend) is helping me out with that, too. Just give me this one thing and I’ll leave you alone, and possibly renew my subscription to your software next year with actual money! Is it that much to ask when the bulk of their work’s already been done? The thing is, if I have to put together a quick design portfolio and a photography portfolio, I’ll do it. I know WordPress better anyway. I can eventually develop a WooCommerce shop for myself, and divide my services between personal invoices and contracts, and Etsy. But so much work and time went into the AmeriCommerce shop that it would be criminal not to use it.

    Regardless, I need a portfolio, and I need it yesterday, so I’m giving them three days and then I’m just moving on. I told myself I’d have this stuff up on my birthday, and that’s next Saturday, so there’s really no time to lose here.

    (The bright side to my experience with AmeriCommerce is that I’ve become a lot more responsible as a designer myself. Now I know what it’s like to wait without knowing when something’s going to get done, and wow, I do not want my clients to feel that kind of uncertainty. And I understand the impatience better than before.)

    —

    Ultimately, October was odd because I was off — I had a number of meltdowns over money and there were a lot of days where it took all of my energy to hold myself together. I don’t think I got to central London, or in fact anywhere outside a 20-minute walking-distance ratio of my flat, all month. I didn’t shoot and I didn’t model. I had some leads, but my sleep schedule was — is — shot and like I said, I was so depressed I couldn’t see myself actually following through on any plans that involved other people. And I sure as hell couldn’t afford transport — there was a weekend I could barely eat.

    But I also edged closer to stability, in ways I didn’t expect — one weekend I was so stressed out, my anxiety seemed to act as its own antidepressant, and I went through the motions for that entire weekend and managed to make Monday’s rent and make it to Tuesday, when things got a little better. I read not one but two fiction books, and I spent a little bit more time in Safari, where I’m logged into my fandom spaces and my personal twitter. I didn’t watch anything, despite thinking about it, but I made myself grilled cheese, twice, and I engaged with people about the yuletide fanfic exchange, even if I didn’t end up signing up for it. I’m still participating, in my own way — even if my own way ends up being popping into the community posts and the IRC chat every now and again.

    —

    Anyway, October sure was a Month, but it ended on a high note, so I’m hoping November picks that up and runs with it.

    ON THE BLOG

     
    DESIGN

    • PORTFOLIO: Blog Design: The Luminous Kitchen
    • PORTFOLIO: Media Kit: Lo Bosworth + Giveaway

    PHOTOGRAPHY

    • PORTFOLIO: Portrait & Fashion Shoot With Leigh Travers
    • TUTORIAL: Shooting In Manual Mode: The Starter Kit (on Photodoto)
    • TUTORIAL: Essential Photography Business Kit: Five Things To Keep Handy (on Photodoto)

    LONDON

    • PHOTOGRAPHY: A Walk Around Crouch End
    • PHOTOGRAPHY + TRAVEL: Areas Where I’ve Lived (And What I Made of Each)
    • PERSONAL: Expat Diaries: Six Months In London

    STYLE

    • OUTFIT: Sportsy Neons
    • OUTFIT: New haircut + glasses
    • OUTFIT: Halloween: Little Witch Costume
    • WISHLIST: Autumn Wishlist with LoveSales
    • WISHLIST: Capsule Wardrobe Wishlist with Avenue 32

    MISCELLANEOUS

    • HOME: Dream Kitchens with MyAppliances.co.uk
    • HOME: Home Offices & Workspaces
    • REVIEW / BOOK: The Almost Truth by Eileen Cook
    • REVIEW / PRINTING SERVICE: A Look At The Past Six Months With Printrbook
    • REVIEW / PRINTING SERVICE: Temporary Vistaprint Business Cards

    PERSONAL

    • ESSAY: On Misogyny, Harassment and Coercion In the Creative Industry
    • PERSONAL / VLOG: What’s In My Bag Tag
    • PERSONAL / DIARIES: Weekly Wishes, The Backlog Plan (10/06)
    • PERSONAL / DIARIES: Weekly Wishes, Not Falling Under (10/20)

    In Conclusion

     
    See you tomorrow to set some goals for November, and remember I’m still offering sponsor spots on a pay-what-you-can basis! PS: Next Saturday is my birthday. ;)

    3 Comments

    Freelancing Graphic Design Portfolio

    Recent Work: Blog Design for The Luminous Kitchen

    posted on October 13, 2014

    I’ve been meaning to share some of the design work I’ve been doing since I last shared any design work, and it’s kind of piled up. I was having trouble picking a place to start, then decided to just do it chronologically. The blog I’m sharing today I finished designing in early June, between Streatham and Crouch End. The moodboard — which is not something I make use of very often — was created between designing the logo and designing the blog. The design in general sort of ran around the light gray wooden pallet texture; I drew some breezy, beachy vibes from that, and of course sunny from the name of the blog, The Luminous Kitchen. I also used Jo’s gorgeous photography to drive some oomph into the color palette.

    It was a really satisfying project — frustrating at times, on my end, because I’m more of a designer than a developer and getting the header to work gave me a bit of a migraine, but I was and am really pleased with the end result, and the way I was able to communicate with Jo to figure out what she wanted the website to look like — she actually provided sketches at one point, because, when words fail you, you doodle. I think that’s a rule somewhere.

    blog-design-tlk

    I really am super happy with how this one turned out. I think it’s my favorite blog design I’ve done so far (though I’m hoping the next two will blow it out of the water!). There’s something so seasidey about it that’s only enhanced by the beautiful photographs on the blog. I also loved the little tricks I learned, like styling the Recipeasy plugin and installing a floating Scroll To Top button. It was also my first time using the Foodie theme or the Genesis Framework, and I wouldn’t call myself a convert or anything, but I do see why so many developers make use of it.

    Hope you like this design! If you’re interested in working together, I offer blog design packages on my Etsy shop, and I also offer custom packages for portfolios and e-commerce websites. You can also get just a logo, or just a header, or just a media kit. Get in touch!

    34 Comments

    Freelancing Home & Living Sponsored

    Inspiration: Home Offices & Workspaces

    posted on October 9, 2014

    I finally have my own desk slash workspace in my room, but for the first four months I was here in London — and let’s be real, a lot of the years before that, when I had a workspace but it was in a room I shared with my sister — I had some real trouble finding comfortable places to work. Eventually, I got into a habit of going to Starbucks, and I’m still doing that regularly despite having a workspace — it gets me out of the house and really helps me relax. Plus, I like to lie back on a big comfy chair with my laptop and an iced latte, and I can’t do that at home.

    Yet. I keep an eye out for armchairs.

    I also keep an eye out for cafés to try and review and work in, even if I haven’t branched out of Starbucks yet. And I continue to sigh wistfully at pretty offices on Pinterest like it’s my job. Today I thought I’d share some of that inspiration with you, and introduce you to a range of serviced and virtual offices in London that would definitely come in handy every now and then, if I had the money.

    offices

    Sources: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | see more pins

    continue to full story

    3 Comments

    Diaries Expat Wannabe Freelancing Photography Portfolio

    A Day In The Life: August 15, 2014

    posted on August 29, 2014

    A Day In The Life of Lix Hewett

    I put this post together for a photographers’ group that later deemed it “inappropriate” and removed the entire text, so I’m no longer linking to them.

    August 15 was — interesting. By which I mean terrible, but not as terrible as the weekend before that, when I’d just gone off medication and was crying and hopeless and suicidal.

    August 15 was the start of a weekend where basically all of my plans fell through in some way or another, some because of me and some for other reasons. I woke up just a little too late to make my first one-on-one cognitive behavioral therapy appointment, and had to reschedule — to September 5. My landlady came back from vacation early and insisted I move back to the smaller room (I’d been using the double since no one had been home for a month, even though she wasn’t happy about that). I had my first photography assignment for a website I’d been in talks with, and it went awry in ways that still confuse and anger me.

    But, as I’ve done every other bad day, I survived it. And at least I had a new bag and a new LG G3 smartphone I’d been sent to shoot the Notting Hill Carnival, which helped keep me stable some. Nice new things are magical that way.

    continue to full story

    28 Comments

    Diaries Expat Wannabe Freelancing Mental Health

    Anxiety Diaries: Breaking the Cycle

    posted on July 5, 2014

    This is not a post about:

    1. my failed attempts to “fix” my sleep schedule on days I get up particularly late by staying up all night and going to bed early the next day
    2. my failed attempts to make a schedule in order to coax my motivation out of hiding
    3. my failed attempts to space out the unplanned and people-involving things and keep days in between to myself

    This is a post about:

    1.  what my new doctor in my new city in my new country prescribed I do next, which I will do because I generally do what doctors tell me to do as long as it is specific and tangible, so, like, “get out more,” that’s not going to happen, but “here’s your next dose and the dose after that and your new med prescription, and here’s the contact info for you to self-refer to a physio and a therapist and gyms” works out okay.

    Wait, I just spoiled the post for you. My bad. The rest of this is a brief account of how my appointment at the Hampstead Group Clinic went yesterday, Friday July 4, at 4:10 PM. In case you don’t remember I registered last week, on Monday, and this Monday, after not sleeping all night because I’m special, I went there again and made an appointment to talk about my anxiety. And my hip pain. The hip pain from a wrong turn while shooting models from a lifeguard stand. (Don’t know if I’ve mentioned it; my blog is 500 erroring on me, so I can’t check.) That hip pain.

    So it was pretty quick and painless! I got there, gave the receptionist my appointment card, waited for about two minutes, saw my name on a screen with the consulting room I was supposed to go to, and met my GP, who I maybe shouldn’t call my GP because I hear you get whichever GP is available no matter who’s seen you before, which checks out in view of the quick-and-effective way the appointment was conducted.

    I said I had two things to talk about. The first was my hip pain: I twisted something on a lifeguard stand and it’s been hurting for two weeks. She checked my mobility after I talked about the second thing, made sure I hadn’t dislocated anything, and gave me a phone number to call to self-refer to a physiotherapist.

    The second thing was, drumroll please, my anxiety. (Disappointed sounds. How do big theatrical productions convey those? Wah wah wah?) Mentioned sleep schedule, lack of motivation, lack of appetite. Doctor suggested changing my meds and so I brought up that I was thinking about that, and also about seeing a therapist. Also I had nightmares — “the new meds will help with all the physical stuff,” which was the one thing that made me go a little ‘uhhhhh’ because nightmares aren’t physical stuff, thanks — and also how about joining a gym? And how I was thinking about taking the PR route with my blog and she said I can actually get free gym classes because they’re scientifically proven to be beneficial for patients with anxiety… so free gym? Score! (Said my best friend.)

    Unfortunately, I think I’m going to have to figure that out on my own, because I thought she’d written down the info along with the therapist and physiotherapist to self-refer to, and nope, it’s just that and instructions on how to go off paroxetine slowly. And a prescription for mirtiwhatsit — which makes a whole lot of sense now I’ve taken a quick look at the wikipedia page.

    Going off paroxetine and starting on a new antidepressant may cause side effects like increased anxiety and palpitations, which scared the crap out of me because tachycardia is the worst, so I immediately asked if I could still use lorazepam to keep that in check and she said yes, that was fine.

    I’m still not lowering my paroxetine dosage until Monday, maybe Tuesday. Maybe until I’ve made my whole rent, which should be Friday. I’m not scared. Shut up. I refuse to let unproductive tunnel vision take me, and I need to stop refreshing sites I don’t have email notifs set up for.

    But hey, here’s a post! Here is a post. And the things I’ve last-minute booked this weekend (see point #3 above) are self-contained on my end: I’m getting my CV written up with Kerri’s help, and I have two modeling gigs that pay a little bit. Modeling is like photography in that I feel comfortable in my skin and like I’m doing what I love to do, but not at all like photography in that I work for x hours and then I’m pretty much done. No more photos to add to my backlog of pictures to edit!

    Which, seriously, I will get to soon. And show it all to you guys. And maybe find more models. I’ve had very good experiences with models so far — it does still make me sad how self-conscious one of my swimwear models was, but then on Thursday I had the awesome chance of working with a model I could discuss that with. Feminists! — but it seems Model Mayhem and Purple Port and those sites are geared towards photographers paying models, which doesn’t super gel with me for the reasons implied in the above paragraph, and which means I’m answering more model ads than ads for photogs.

    I did answer one casting call where a model was looking for a photographer to do TF shoots with to update her portfolio, and I’ve found myself in a weird situation of what do I do that can be summarized as: I could just never get back to her; I could swallow my reservations and work with her; I could make up some lie about why I don’t want to work with her anymore; or I could candidly and honestly reply that I get the feeling she doesn’t think I’m good enough to photograph her, and while I’m willing to do retouching for models who require it for their portfolios and I’m happy to get a MUA on board and so on, I’m not very inclined to put in all that work for someone who’s asking for those things as conditionals to work with me. It’s not even an ego thing, it’s like — I don’t think we see eye to eye so it would make for an uncomfortable shoot, wouldn’t it?

    That’s me breaking the cycle of talking about general anxiety to talk about my anxiety over work. It wasn’t even deliberate. Well done.

    Meanwhile, I caught up on my Bloglovin thing (near), completed my online registration with the practice, got a bank account (oh yeah, did I mention that? I can accept direct checkout/gift cards on Lix Hewett Design now. I’ll add it to Lix Hewett Photography as well when I’ve got a bit more things in the shop and a bit more money to rely on for order fulfillment in case someone does use direct checkout, which as far as I understand you can only take out weekly, or monthly or something), applied for two jobs, and did a whole lot of emailing as usual. And charting. But more charting and emailing awaits still.

    Anyway, I will keep you posted on how my new treatment goes. Hope you’re having a nice weekend, and happy 4th of July to my American friends. I would totally wear your flag, and that’s just because it’s pretty and looks good on gymnast leotards.

    2 Comments

    Freelancing

    Weekly Wishes #23: Regroup

    posted on February 4, 2014

    weeklywishes20140203

    I’m posting (and writing) this one day late because that’s my life these days. I picked this picture because it’s kind of sketchy, much like my career. [rimshot] Ahem. Sorry. But it really is why I picked it! My motivation these days feels like whoever built it forgot to install the on switch. Very bare-bones.

    I never got around to doing New Year’s Resolutions or yearly goals or anything of the kind — January just sort of glided by and then it was over, which, whatever. Maybe it won’t be as long before it’s not freezing cold outside again. Silver linings!

    I’ll get back to that. That as in monthly thoughts and yearly resolutions. For now, let’s talk about decluttering!

    HOW I DID LAST WEEK

     
    My goal was to declutter on two levels: physically and mentally. I’m happy to say I got a lot of work done on the latter, most of it yesterday. I bought a new notebook last Tuesday, squared paper to encourage doodling and just give me a newish playground since I’m generally obsessed with single lined, and yesterday I broke it in by listing all my things and sketching all my bookcases, drawers and closet to see how I could take better advantage of my space. Surprisingly (to me), it turned out a couple of “eureka!” moments! e.g.: I have a desk tray that’s no longer being used because I now keep my laptop charger in a drawer away from my cat and my sister’s taken all her school stuff to her own room. So I can keep all the notebooks I use on a daily basis and my rolled-up patterns there! Mindblowing, right? …maybe you had to be there.

    I put together a double page for blogging as well, and started a temporary to-do list — as opposed to the running ones I’ve been using with little success since I scrapped my last solid to-do list format back in January of 2013.

    Then I went out to the post office and mailed the two parcels I was too late to mail on Saturday — returned a pair of earrings and shipped this phone case (which I love in person even more than in theory, which was already a lot) to a customer. And I resumed my search for boxes.

    Oh, the box hunt. That’s a story all on its own. The short version is I bought a plastic container for under my bed on Saturday, and yesterday I found a box to DIY some jewelry trays into, a glass thing for my nail polish, and a basket/tray/open red thing I’m keeping on my desk now with all my basic writing and crafting supplies, the cahier I’ve been journaling on for the Create.2014 e-course, the to-do list notebook, and my planner.

    So far I’ve organized my nail polish and organic Etsy-sourced makeup, and used one of the two pretty sturdy perfume boxes my grandma left behind to hold all my small sewing supplies (buttons, labels, zippers, lavender, elastic) within the top basket drawer of the ironing table I bought last month. My desk looks a lot clearer, too. But there’s still a lot to do.

    Oh, and I accidentally bought a tripod.

    Weekly Wishes [Link-up]

     
    I have no fucking clue. Keep decluttering. Take more breaks from my laptop to do notebook related things. Sew. I just got some patterns I bought last week and I’m not terrified at all, what, one of them even says EASY on the back!

    I just dropped (got dropped from) one of the projects that had been weighing most on my mind, which is honestly a relief even though a part of me says it shouldn’t be and that I should have made more of a paying opportunity like that. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it and it was bringing back all the creative issues I got rid of when I deliberately quit writing on a regular basis. I didn’t have a chance to build up a new, healthier set of habits. There’s another site I’ll probably be writing for soon, but it’s more of a casual arrangement and they agreed to wait, so I don’t even feel bad about this one. I wrote a couple of nice articles I’ll post on this blog sometime soon and I can focus on the outstanding jobs pertaining to the fields I want to work in and into which I haven’t yet dragged any weird baggage.

    Just don’t tell anyone in my family about this. I don’t want to give them ammo, and my mom might get sad.

    Speaking of ammo, I have a couple of family-related posts I’d like to write sometime. But I think I’m going to take a break from my laptop right now. To regroup and stuff.

    What do you do when your motivation is MIA?

    6 Comments

    Meet Lix

    Welcome to my blog! I'm Lix: full-time graphic designer for bloggers and freelancers, and part-time photographer. I'm an unapologetic cat lady and perpetually angry feminist nightmare. I like attention and pretty things, and that's why I run a lifestyle blog. Learn more.
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