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Diaries Expat Wannabe Graphic Design London Mental Health Modeling Oxford Photography Poetry Pop Culture Things I'm Thinking Travel

10 Things You Didn’t Know About Me

posted on March 31, 2014

10things-youdidntknow

Or maybe you did! The original title for this post was “10 Things You May Have Missed About Me,” but that sounded unnecessarily snarky. Plus, “10 Things You Didn’t Know About Me” is probably better for SEO. Yes, I think about those things. I also had a brief internal debate about using a video cap for this post rather than a proper quality picture from my Canon. This feels fitting, is more recent than the “good” pictures I had, and I asked Twitter and Twitter said “go with it,” so there we go. That’s thing zero.

1. I have been to London before (twice) and I loved it, but Oxford truly stole my heart. If I could pick a place to live for the rest of my life, to be based in, it would be Oxford. It’s gorgeous, it appeals to my love of culture, and it’s easy enough to get around in. It’s also just an inexpensive bus ride away from London.

london-victoria-sweltering

I thought about this a lot last year when I was first seriously considering moving to the UK. I spent a lot of time on job ad websites looking for work all over the UK, and the truth is, Oxford didn’t have much at all going for it in that department, and it was nearly as expensive as London. I considered Glasgow for a long time as well, because I know someone there and my friend Annemari, who I want to move in with, liked it, but I’ve never been to Scotland, so London felt a lot less scary.

That said, writing this post is making me seriously consider expanding my flat search to Oxford. It’s just… heaven for me. It’s beautiful. I only wrote it off because I thought I’d be looking for a full-time job, and now what I really want to do is take my freelance work for a spin.

traveltuesday-2008-oxford-kidlington-03

I hated the room I was put up in (another scholarship), the airline lost my luggage, I spent the first weekend there waiting for it, I was switched to a student house my last week, and at the end I missed my flight, my train and the bus back home from Madrid and I had to get a hostel room there. It was still a blissful trip.

2. [TW for creepiness] One day when I was in London the first time, in September of 2007, when I was seventeen, I was journaling on a bench in Green Park and some dude approached me and started talking to me. I kept trying to get rid of him; he kept going on about how age was just a number and I had kissable lips and other similarly disgusting things. He pretty much spoke in clichés, and he was Italian, and he was not even remotely attractive to me. I told him I wasn’t interested but he wouldn’t leave. So eventually I said I had to leave and I hid in the tube station until it was time to go to the showing of Wicked I had tickets for.

I went back home at 11 PM after that show. I was staying in North London and Wicked was (is?) on at the Apollo Victoria, so quite a tube ride away. I was wary of walking around London at night, especially the walk from the Bounds Green tube station to the residential neighborhood house my ESL school (a scholarship requirement) had put me up in, but Victoria was a busy area and the show was worth it.

3. Most of the modeling I’ve done since I started calling myself a model has been self-portraiture, or close to it; I model for my mom, but my mom is not a photographer — she simply follows my instructions. Oftentimes I set up the shot entirely, make sure the shutter speed is really high, and move around as she keeps the shooting button pressed. It’s incredibly fun. I don’t consider myself “model pretty,” whatever that is, and I don’t have amazing hair, and I’m not tall enough for the catwalk. I don’t have beauty instincts. But I love the hell out of it.

4. Despite #3, it is not true that I have never modeled for someone else who was comfortable with a camera. It was just for fun, but I got some gorgeous shots out of it (shots I call mine because a- I haven’t spoken to him in ages, b- modeling is an art, c- it was my camera, and d- I did all the post-processing, but they were very much collaborative work), and the realization that it was an absolute blast to play-act for the camera. This was a friend who eventually “broke up” with me friendship-wise because he thought I only used him for pictures. He… may have been right?

lix-2008-hands-go-ask-alice-5x7

I’ve got makeup on in most of those many, many shots because I went out of the house and I used to always put on makeup when I went out of the house. I’ve even got a shoot inspired by a The Birds still I saw in Vanity Fair — shame about the setting (my building foyer at night, flash and no tripod), but I can sure work the horror vibe.

5. I asked to be seen by a psychologist once. He wrote in all caps, chalked up my social anxiety mess of a dorm experience to separation anxiety, wanted me to admire my abusive father, and brought my mom in with me. His tentative diagnosis was anxiety disorder, paranoia, psychosis, and Asperger’s syndrome. My psychosis is entirely passive, which wasn’t specified, but otherwise I think the diagnosis, unlike the methodology, session and his “day hospital” (going to and staying in the hospital for various therapy things, mostly group, every day from 8 to 5) prescription, was on the mark.

In other words, I’ve got paranoia coming out of my ears and I tend to avoid people. I don’t need to be warned; my brain is a scaredy cat all by itself.

6. I don’t have any formal creative education. For a long time I was a writer first and foremost, and I’ve got very strong opinions about writing that most creative writing courses would have clashed with hard. I did want to take a photography course for a long time, but I wasn’t sure how they worked and I was scared they’d be too technical; I wasn’t ready for technical photography learning back then. It may sound like an oxymoron, but I didn’t feel I knew enough to learn more! (I do now.)

For the most part, I just didn’t have money for classes (I would have hired a guitar teacher earlier if so, or gone for ballet, or for gymnastics as of 2012), and I couldn’t find any that appealed to me. Now I’ve got tons thanks to Skillshare and the like, but I still can’t afford them! And I’m not sure I can make the time for them right now, so I learn bit by bit with free tutorials, videos and experimenting.

7. Back to writing, though, I used to write mainly fanfic and poetry — fanfic on a regular basis, poetry whenever I was really depressed. I’ve got a self-published poetry e-book out (it’s available on Kobo and Smashwords, and translated to Spanish as well if you’re curious!), and I always meant to publish a second tome with my more recent work, which I’m prouder of than the stuff in the e-book, but then I opened that photography shop on Etsy and my Internet life (and career goals) did a 180.

poetry-inventory-v

8. I’ve done NaNoWriMo something like four times? I won the first year with 50,000 words of drivel barely 20% into my novel, and failed every year since. This project was my last. I wrote a little bit of it.

9. I got started on graphic design when I was fourteen and got Paint Shop Pro. I upgraded to Photoshop Elements a couple of years after, and got used to it quickly. I didn’t do much with it, though — mostly coloring screencaps for fandom and tumblr posts! Guess what, bloggers who aren’t in fandom: I know how to make gifs. It was a pain in the ass on my old laptop, though, and I haven’t had a reason to try on the new one yet. It’s not really satisfying creative work. More like frustrating and annoying, especially when you have to keep the filesize small enough for tumblr standards — which used to be even stricter than they are now.

gif of Spencer Hastings from Pretty Little Liars

10. Sometimes I post silly things on youtube for the benefit of my best friend. And before Instagram (and sometimes even now), I posted a lot of silly Photo Booth pics of me and my cat to Twitter as well. Have a browse and enjoy.

(I got that from Summer on The O.C..)

12 Comments

Fashion Inspiration Modeling Outfits Portfolio

5 Ways to Wear A Silk Scarf | ft. “Adrift” from LHP Collection

posted on February 28, 2014

Ways to Wear A Silk Scarf


So I made this pretty scarf. I ordered the fabric in November for a customer, and it never arrived, and it had to be reprinted, so it was quite a while before I could get my hands on it, but eventually it was here, and it was gorgeous, and I made a scarf with it. I spent two days fighting unruly thread and learning my way through hand-rolling a hem.

I was thrilled with the result, and was ready to model and photograph it before mailing it out. (The entire reasoning behind building this collection on preorders is that I can’t afford (nor have room) to make up things and hope they sell.) So I spread it in front of me…

…and I realized I didn’t have the faintest idea how you’re supposed to wear a silk scarf. A square silk scarf, to be specific. Actually, a square cotton silk scarf, but the problem was the square bit. I have plenty of long, mostly knit and crochet, scarves that I can do super crazy things with (that I also learned on the Internet), but I’m not a silk scarf person — I wear scarves to keep warm and silk has always felt weirdly in between — too warm and too cool at the same time.

I have to say, though, after researching it? I could be into silk scarves as neckties. Every other way I included here, though, is just for show.

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16 Comments

Diaries Fashion Intersectionality Modeling

I’m Thin And No One Can Make Me Feel Bad About It: On Systematic Fatphobia

posted on February 26, 2014

Full title: I’m Thin And No One Can Make Me Feel Bad About It: Acknowledging Systematic Fatphobia And Playing To Fashion Industry Standards

It’s national eating disorder week, it turns out. I wrote out my thoughts after someone put out a #journorequest on Twitter looking for people in the fashion industry to talk about weight standards and the controversy surrounding size zero, and this seemed like a perfect time to post them — especially considering I’ve been mulling over this post since November and I obviously suck at sitting down to write things, so I’m probably not going to find the time to write a better essay. You get this instead. Hopefully it’s a start.

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6 Comments

Diaries Expat Wannabe Modeling

Weekly Wishes #18 & Wrap-Up

posted on December 16, 2013

Weekly Wishes #18

This week’s Weekly Wishes theme is “love,” which I found really, really hard to find a suitable picture for, I gotta say. In the end I settled on this picture of me I rediscovered last week. I love being in front of a camera. I don’t get to do it the way I’d like to (i.e. with the camera in the hands of someone who likes photography and is good at it) so I don’t talk about it much, but it’s practically performance art for me and it’s exhilarating.

WEEKLY WRAP-UP

  1. A Very Long Engagement: Photography Equipment I Will Eventually Own
  2. Friday Loves: Honey Bee
  3. On Saturdays I Vlog: The Christmas Tag
  4. Anxiety Diaries: The Evolution of My Eyebrows: Trichotillomania As Told By Selfies

HOW THE PAST WEEK WENT

Last Monday I was coming off a bad week and I was pretty wishy-washy about my goals. I ended up talking about unplugging and sewing and making more lists. Daily lists. The daily lists were miracle workers from Monday to Wednesday, when the water heater broke and I was more concerned with keeping my anxiety regarding that in check than accomplishing anything. (It got fixed on Saturday. Sort of. It takes ages to switch on but I can shower at home again.) But hey, extenuating circumstances. I’ll try to use this trick (writing down only up to two tasks ahead) again.

I unplugged long enough to place and pick up a print order, stock up on cardstock and complete four sets of mini cards for an order. I found the perfect pattern for a fancy prom dress I’m making for someone. It takes a lot of skills I most certainly don’t have, so it will be quite the learning experience. I’m planning to make one in my size first and then hers, and have the latter mailed out by April. It’s lovely to have such a loose timeframe.

My motivation felt… more there than usual. My sister was also around more than usual, which ruined what could have been a really good week, but I still felt like I had less difficulty getting out of bed in the morning. That’s pretty major.

WEEKLY WISHES

As for this week, I want to work on my portfolio and I want to sew. I also want to get a few blog posts written that I’ve been kicking around for a while. Maybe I’ll start listing things I want to do come January, or at least once I cut my to-do list down by half. Mainly I want to work on my own branding and website design. The blog design I currently have is a barely tweaked free theme I put up just to be able to start blogging while I concentrated on other things, and I haven’t had a chance to change it yet. I’m honestly thinking about doing it all backwards and starting with category buttons. But that’s a goal for another time.

On the other hand, this is my sister’s last week of school, which is a little bit scary. I should probably make the most of my mornings now. I’m not sure when in January my grandma’s leaving, but I’m so looking forward to having my room to myself again. I don’t even want her to go; I just need the space. Badly. And so does my sister, if her grades this semester are anything to go by.

I’m still a little overwhelmed by everything I need to do, but sometimes I’ll be thinking about that UK move and the idea of setting a date makes me feel so much more grounded and like I can really get everything done in a specific time period. I wouldn’t be too surprised if I buy a plane ticket before the end of the year. I just need to arrange accommodation first. Got some leads there, so fingers crossed? Or if you’re in London and have a spare room, or know someone who’s looking for a house-sitter — do let me know!

As always, I’m linking up with Melyssa!

12 Comments

Modeling Photography

Self-Portraits: A History (Abridged)

posted on September 14, 2013
hiddennz-draft-5

My sidebar pic: actually a product shot!

Today’s (it’s still Friday somewhere) Blogtember prompt is “a self-portrait.”

I have some scattered thoughts about this that I’d love for you guys to weigh in on, like:

1) What’s the difference between ‘selfie’ and ‘self-portrait’? I feel like it would be easy to say it’s a matter of quality, but for me it’s a matter of intent, and it’s not always all that clear. I do a lot of ‘shoot first, label later’ and I’ve got some long-arm shots that I love a lot. In fact, I used one of those for the cover of the poetry book I self-published last year, as well as on these two that didn’t make the cut:

resolve4

Left: long arm, my bedroom, summer 2012. Right: long arm, my building foyer, November 2012.

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Meet Lix

Welcome to my blog! I'm Lix: full-time graphic designer for bloggers and freelancers, and part-time photographer. I'm an unapologetic cat lady and perpetually angry feminist nightmare. I like attention and pretty things, and that's why I run a lifestyle blog. Learn more.
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